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About Us: 2014 Big Brother
National & State Winner

Randolph Man Captures National Honor

8-year Mentor Named 2014’s Big Brother of the Year

Big and Little Sis RANDOLPH TWP — When Little Brother Amir first expressed an interest in cooking, he and Big Brother Tom Fascia started crafting a variety of dishes.

“It’s a holiday tradition that Tom and I always make the meat course at dinner,” Amir said.

As they prepped for a meal in Fascia’s kitchen this spring, they talked about how 14-year-old Amir had never been on a plane.

Mere hours later, they learned that situation would change in short order – the following day, Fascia was named 2014’s national Big Brother of the Year, and he learned he’d accept the award a time zone away. Amir was asked to attend with him, and suddenly it all seemed a case of something just meant to be.

“On Easter, Amir and I were saying how he’d never been on a plane before, and a day later, he gets his opportunity,” Fascia recalled.

Big and Little Sis Fascia’s honor was made official in Chicago in June, when he, Amir and Amir’s great Aunt Joan attended a gala hosted by Big Brothers Big Sisters of America at the Museum of Broadcast Communications. The event celebrated mentors, supporters and local Big Brothers Big Sisters agencies, and was a milestone Fascia was pleased to share with his Little Brother. Amir had the chance to meet and pose for photos with Academy Award-winner Jamie Foxx, Big Brothers Big Sisters’ national spokesman, meet agency staff from across the country, and bask in the limelight with his Big Brother.

Fascia recalled an earlier watershed moment with Amir – the first time his Little Brother, a New Jersey native, saw the ocean. It left a lasting impression on Fascia. “You really take a lot of these little things for granted,” he said.

That moment at the beach made Fascia realize Amir went without a lot of simple pleasures, but he never complained. “He’s always looking at the positive side of things,” Fascia said.

Though he describes Amir as resilient and upbeat by nature, Fascia never misses an opportunity to encourage and support Amir in ways no other adult male does. He checks in with him regularly. He goes to Amir’s concerts and functions, including when Amir had the lead role in the school play. He attends Amir’s football games and parent-teacher conferences.

‘Comfortable in his own skin’

“Tom and I talk about what I want to accomplish in school and what I want to do when I get older,” Amir said. “I have dreams of doing something with computers or maybe being a chef if I don’t get to play for the New York Giants! Tom’s proud of me with how much more responsibility I take for being a good person and helping out my family.”

Fascia’s humble about the role he plays in Amir’s life, saying the boy’s just “incredibly comfortable in his own skin”, but Aunt Joan tells another story. She relies on Fascia to teach Amir respect and find better ways of reacting to the ups and downs life brings. Amir “knows Tom won’t let him get away with anything, and always holds him accountable for his actions,” Aunt Joan says. Fascia feels this is where he’s made the greatest impact on Amir’s life.

“Joan calls me all the time,” he said with a laugh, “and this is where I’ve been able to help him the most.”

Big and Little Sis Every day, mentors like Fascia create positive change for their Littles, as children in the program are called.

“Across our network of local affiliates, we’re fortunate to have thousands of Bigs who volunteer year after year to improve the lives of their Littles through mentoring,” said Pam Iorio, president and CEO of Big Brothers Big Sisters of America. “Due in part to the commitment of our Bigs, Amir and more than 200,000 other Littles across the country are engaging in positive behavior, performing better in school, and improving their self-esteem. These quality relationships are at the heart of our mission.”

The local agency, based in Mountain Lakes and covering Morris, Bergen, Passaic and Sussex counties, served 880 children last year, and is on track to serve 950 this year.

‘Greatest demeanor in the world’

“One thing I really admire about Amir is that he takes everything in stride,” Fascia said. “When he finds out he’s moving, he doesn’t complain. Instead, he tells me, ‘In our new house, I’ll have my own room!’ or ‘In this apartment, it’s closer to my friends!’ He’s always looking at the situation in the most positive manner possible.” “He has the greatest demeanor in the world, which is why he’s so well liked by everyone. I’ve never met someone so comfortable in his own skin. He just likes to be part of everything. A day doesn’t go by when we’re in Amir’s hometown that someone new doesn’t say, ‘Hey Amir’ with a big smile on their face.”

One of Amir’s strongest characteristics? “He’s not trying to be anyone but himself,” Fascia said.

Though mentoring's intended to positively influence children’s lives, mentors often report they’re getting a lot out of the friendships too, and Fascia is no exception.

“Amir is truly the most inspirational person I’ve ever met. The impact Amir has had on my family and me is immeasurable. The perspective he has given me is more valuable than any other life lesson.”

Fascia and Amir have been active Big Brothers Big Sisters supporters since first joining the program 8 years ago. They’ve appeared at and supported the agency’s annual fund-raising galas, are dominant faces on its Facebook page, and Fascia is a member of the agency’s Leadership Council. He’s a big advocate for mentoring in general saying, “It’s foolish for anyone to say they don’t have the time.”

Even with a wife, 2 young children and a demanding job, he still commits to seeing Amir just about every week, the way it’s been throughout the life of their mentor-child match. When they spend time together, they sometimes golf, play tennis or cook, occasionally barbecuing on the grill Amir received as a gift for his 13th birthday.

6-year-old without a nap

Fascia credits his parents with the motivation to get involved in the first place. His mother taught and tutored for 38 years, and his father coached his and his brother’s sports teams for more than a decade. Fascia started volunteering while still a student at Morris Catholic High School, and in part chose his college, Providence College, based on its focus on giving back. He has a minor in public service, which included extensive classwork dedicated to understanding underserved areas and people, both economically and on a personal level. All these experiences seemed to set a strong foundation for future service.

Fascia was first matched with Amir when Amir was 6, and he clearly recalls their initial meeting. It quickly became apparent Amir hadn’t had a nap. “I can still vividly remember his pouting little face tucked into his tightly folded arms. He wanted nothing to do with me! Fifteen minutes later, I got him to laugh a little, and the rest is history.”

They’ve come a long way since then. Fascia noted their friendship is more like true brotherhood than mentorship because of their match’s impact on him and his family.

“People always smile and I’m constantly told how impressive it is to make such a commitment to Amir. They have no idea – he’s truly, 100 percent, no questions asked, my brother. We are family. Amir does everything with my family: holidays, summer vacations, sporting events, parties and more.”

“I view him as my brother, as part of my family,” Fascia continued. “He knows my parents, my wife, my children, my aunts and uncles, my cousins. We spend all of our holidays together.”

But for Fascia, it goes beyond just spending time together.

Big and Little Sis “Amir has taught me so much,” he said. “He’s just the greatest kid in the world, and has made a family that’s already filled with so much joy and love even better.”

That sense of kinship isn’t lost on Amir.

“I’m the most happy that I became part of Tom's family,” Amir said. “I haven’t missed a Thanksgiving, Christmas, Christmas Eve or Easter in 5 years with Tom and his family.”

“We’ve had so many good times together, but also shared tough times,” Amir admitted, “but I’m very confident we’ll stay brothers forever.”

To continue their culinary adventures, the guys are planning to prepare a meal from scratch – Amir’s idea – and no doubt he’s already shifting into chef mode as he considers how he and his Big Brother will prepare the turkey come Thanksgiving.

“I’ve already learned a lot of good recipes from him,” Amir said.

To begin creating positive change for a child, or to learn how to support a mentor-child match just like Fascia and Amir’s, call 973-335-3044, visit northjerseybigs.org, or bbbsnjmatchmakers.org.

About Big Brothers Big Sisters

Big Brothers Big Sisters, the nation’s oldest and largest mentoring organization, has demonstrated its mission of providing children facing adversity with strong, enduring, professionally supported 1-to-1 relationships that change their lives for the better, forever, for 110 years.

The local agency has been improving the lives of children, families and communities since 1967, and matches youth, most from single-parent homes, living in poverty or coping with parental incarceration, with carefully screened, trained, supervised mentors, encouraging greater self-esteem, school attendance and improved grades while decreasing depression and substance abuse in children 6-17. Its vision is that all children achieve success in life, and it strives to live that vision by partnering with parents, guardians, volunteers and others in the community to create positive change. It’s accountable for each child achieving higher aspirations, greater confidence, educational success, better relationships and avoiding risky behaviors.

Big Brothers Big Sisters strives to serve every child in need of a mentor regardless of socio-economic status, race, ethnicity, gender, sexual orientation, physical ability or language. Locally, at any given time, there are about 50 children, mostly boys living in single-parent homes with a female head of household, formally waiting for mentors, but there are hundreds more who could benefit from the positive influence of a mentor.

Bigs and Littles are matched through 2 basic programs – community- and site-based mentoring. Community-based mentoring, through which Fascia and Amir are matched, spend time individually in the community on their own time. Littles also meet with Bigs through site-based mentoring, which gathers mentor-child matches in one location, such as a school, business or community center.

The local agency’s average match length is about 2 years, but numerous matches are approaching double digits in length. This is significant because research demonstrates mentoring’s greatest results are realized after mentors and children have been matched more than 1 year.

A 2013 study by Carla Herrera, David L. DuBois and Jean Grossman found mentored children are less depressed, and independent research by Public/Private Ventures demonstrated positive relationships between Littles and their mentors, called Bigs, have a direct and measurable impact on children’s lives.

That study found that after being matched with mentors for 1 year, Little Brothers
and Little Sisters are:

  • More confident in their school performance;
  • Able to get along better with their families;
  • 46% less likely to begin using illegal drugs;
  • 27% less likely to begin using alcohol;
  • 52% less likely to skip school.

Big Brothers Big Sisters focuses on creating positive change for the children it serves
by encouraging greater:

  • Scholastic competence, linked with improved mental health & higher grades;
  • Social acceptance, linked to scholastic achievement, improved conduct,
    & decreased drop-out rates;
  • Educational expectations, tied to school performance & standardized test scores;
  • Behavior & school attendance;
  • Parental trust, linked with improved grades, attendance & reduced substance abuse.

2013 was a banner year for the local agency, which was #1 in growth among mid- to large-size Big Brothers Big Sisters agencies nationwide while also earning top marks for the quality of its mentor-child matches. Longtime trustee Gadi Ben-Menachem earned national honors from Big Brothers Big Sisters of America for demonstrating exemplary community service, and the agency itself won a national marketing award from Big Brothers Big Sisters of America for its efforts to re-engage former mentors and children through reunitenow.org.